Nearly The News #039 NOT SUCH A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL Some good news from the South Pacific, Disneyland Japan is re-opening just a few weeks after the tsunami and nuclear reactor meltdown spread radiation over parts of the country. Although the log ride will remain closed for obvious reasons, visitors can expect to see a two hundred foot tall Donald Duck who shoots lasers out of its eyes and crushes city buses like they were toys. THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS, AND WEAR GERANIMALS The legislature in Texas is considering a bill that would allow toddlers in the state to carry concealed weapons. "We know anti-freedom gun haters are going to get their crazy liberal shorts in a twist about this," said Governor Rick Perry. "But this is the only way we can make sure the terrorists don’t win, and our kids are safe during naptime." BANKS SUCK... NO, SERIOUSLY And finally... Bank of America is refusing to do a re-fi on the home of prominent local anchor woman, this despite her sending in all the paperwork they've asked for, again and again and again. "It used to be celebrity would get you a little consideration," said the attractive blonde for a well known internet news service. "But I guess they just hate America." There was no response from the bank, as per usual. Wow, some pretty strong words there, we'll see if stupid B of A is listening. ----------- This episode written by Collin Friesen.