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March 10, 2011
Onion News Network anchor Brandon Armstrong argues passionately for the existence of flying cars.
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March 10, 2011
271 are dead after an Onion News Network Special Investigative Report on airport security.
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March 10, 2011
Fast food giant Yum! Brands believes its new feedbags will make it even easier for Americans to constantly be eating.
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March 10, 2011
Thanksgiving is a time for far-flung family members to reunite with each other and share in holiday cheer at the airport.
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March 10, 2011
In this Onion News Network special feature, our soldiers stationed abroad remind us there’s still a war going on.
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March 10, 2011
As Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest reigning monarch in British history, we take a look at some of her most significant waving moments.
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March 10, 2011
Unless Americans turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the 'Hannah Montana' star will soon be completely tapped out.
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March 10, 2011
An enigmatic man appeared in Hastings, NY, beckoning people to join his quest for a world free of despair as he shook hands and kissed newborns.
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March 10, 2011
As the wreckage from today’s tragic crash continues to smolder, one can't help but think of the accident that took the life of the People's Princess.
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March 10, 2011
The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies in the days before Netflix and iTunes.
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March 10, 2011
A shocking new study finds U.S. children lag far behind their international peers in subjects like rifle assembly and mine defusing.
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March 10, 2011
A recent survey of children found that they are not in favor of increased doctor visits and vaccinations.
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March 10, 2011
In this special feature, troops overseas talk about things that make the season special, like modular tactical vests and M40 field protective masks.
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March 10, 2011
After years of experiments and tens of millions of dollars, scientists have finally created a sheep that thinks and acts like a goat.
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March 10, 2011
The nation’s poor get to experience true Christmas spirit, while the wealthy, burdened by shopping and party obligations, are left out in the cold.
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March 10, 2011
Intrepid reporter Don Abrams surveys what might be damage from a massive landslide in the Philippines, although it’s hard to tell from his altitude.
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March 10, 2011
The United States gave billions of dollars in aid to the wealthy European principality of Andorra, which it mistakenly assumed was a poor African country.
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March 10, 2011
The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades.
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March 10, 2011
Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse.
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March 10, 2011
The Department Of Transportation unveiled a new mandatory safety system designed to protect American drivers by keeping Nick Nolte off the road.
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